Losing our way - Consciously Lessons (Purpose)
Transcript taken from the video above
Do you ever feel like it's too hard for you to change your situation?
Or that you don't need to be happy?
They're beliefs that can be quite unhelpful to us. No matter how purpose driven we are, sometimes we get stuck. Your life can be going along happily and then suddenly, you realise that something is missing. You question the meaning of your life or you question whether what you do matters enough. Whether you are making a big enough difference. These feelings are often triggered by a life event, something seismic that shifts your life like having children or the death of a loved one.
It might be a disconnect between your values and those of the organisation. Or the fact that you don't feel like you're making a big enough difference. It can even just be having some time out to reflect or recognising you are not where you were expecting to be in your life.
If we stay stuck in these situations, it can gnaw away at us and make us miserable, disengaged, apathetic, and resentful. We may not even recognise that it's happening to us. Or even if we are generally happy, it may mean that we're not fulfilling our potential and that there's more we could do, more we could give, or a different path we could choose that would make us happier longer term.
Many people often feel as though they're stuck, whether it be a change in our perspective that's needed. Whether we need to be honest with how we are feeling, or whether we need to tackle a problem, we can change our circumstances. We often have a lot more agency and control over our situation than we realise.
It's especially important to take action if this situation is significantly affecting how you feel. The starting point is to recognise that there is something wrong or not as right as it could be. And to recognise that you can make a change if you want to. There are three common reasons that can lead to people getting stuck. A lack of honesty with yourself, a perceived lack of control over your situation, or being scared of what might happen if you make the change. A lack of honesty with ourselves about out how we're really feeling can cause low level anxiety, which gets in the way of us feeling at our best or doing our best work.
The biggest blocker is not admitting to ourselves that we're feeling this way. It's amazing how we often unconsciously avoid something that we just don't want to face up to or deal with. We think it's not causing us any problems, but it often is because it's an underlying stressor. We can distract ourselves a lot of the time but then in a single moment when we least expect it, it pops up to remind us that it's still there. Simply being honest about the fact that it's a problem can relieve some of the stress. Then there's our perceived lack of control. We may feel unhappy with our situation, but we don't think we can do anything about it. What's interesting is that often a simple conversation or a few changes to the way that we are doing things can make all the difference.
When we recognise that we have agency, we move closer to taking action. But then there's the fear we experience. Scared to confront our feelings about an issue because it means having to change our circumstances. And many of us don't have the confidence, self belief, or growth mindset to make the change. We often don't feel we have the energy and often we are too worried about the impact it's going to have on others, even if we haven't had the conversations with the other people involved. So many of the situations we face simply require us to take the first step to recognise that the pain of having a problem actually far outweighs the pain of fixing the problem. And that sometimes, it's not even a huge problem. We've just let it sit with us for so long that we've developed a perspective that isn't helping us.
What problem or challenge would you like to solve?
What's stopping you from tackling it?
Is it a lack of being honest with yourself?
Is it the fact that you feel like you have no control or maybe it's because you're scared of what might happen if you deal with it?
The first step is to face up to it. And then whether it's through reframing your thinking, speaking to someone you trust, or speaking with the other person involved, you could start to solve what's getting in the way of you feeling better.